The Missouri Recovery Network (MRN) requests individuals in recovery, those in the process of recovery, family, friends, and allies of recovery to share success stories with others. Help Advocate by Stepping Up…And Speaking Out about your addiction and recovery. We invite you to share your stories with others. Let’s CELEBRATE, SUPPORT, AND ADVOCATE FOR RECOVERY. One of the most powerful and valuable tools to help educate people are personal stories of those who have been triumphant in overcoming a substance or alcohol abuse addiction. These voices are genuine examples of the benefits of recovery. The MRN wants to recognize the accomplishments of people who have lifted up their voices to help reduce and eliminate stigma, discrimination, and other barriers of treatment. These stories should be used as a tool to encourage others in need to enter treatment and celebrate recovery! We need people to realize that recovery from addiction is REAL for thousands of Missourians and that there are many different paths to recovery. Regardless of how people achieve recovery, their lives and the lives of their loved ones, are vastly improved as a result. End the Silence and share your story with others. It is with the help of those around us that makes recovery a reality. Please share your stories by emailing Brenda Schell, MRN Project Director, at bschell@actmissouri.org. Your story can be posted anonymously if requested.
Below are testimonials from individuals around the state who support treatment and long term recovery. These testimonials were given to encourage others in their journey to recovery. Set your goals and take the necessary steps to achieve them!
I was born and raised in small rural towns (Gray Summit and Villa Ridge) in Franklin County, Missouri. I am the eldest of my parent’s second family, one of nine children; the first to complete high school and later in life the first sibling to earn a college degree. Fond childhood memories were spent walking miles of creek beds exploring all that moved, catching crawdads, identifying and tracking animal tracks, and fantasizing about finding lost gold once hidden by Jesse James.
As a young adult, I struggled with drug and alcohol addiction. I sporadically worked in construction related jobs and spent a great deal of time and money in local taverns. Until the age of 34, I had no significant or long-term relationships, no children, and frequently called the Franklin County Jail my home due to several alcohol and marijuana related arrests. Eventually, I was told by the judge, “You are a threat to this community.” I was given two 5 year terms in the department of corrections for my third and fourth DWI (in a 10 day period) lost my driving privileges for ten years, and was advised by the judge to take the proverbial look in the mirror and ask myself what I saw.
The second year of my incarceration was at Maryville Correctional Center in an intensive, year-long “Therapeutic Community” substance abuse treatment center. It was here that someone noticed something inside me that I wasn’t capable of seeing at that point in time. Then a counselor and a role model, now a mentor and a friend; this person nourished and guided me through my struggles of rehabilitation. This person continued to guide me through my bachelors’ degree of social work as an intern substance abuse counselor at Boonville Correctional Center and advocated for me when I was escorted off the property for being seen by the correctional staff as a security threat.
This same counselor, role-model, mentor and friend wrote a reference letter that helped me get into the master of social work program at the University of Missouri. I went on to complete a masters’ degree in clinical social work at the University of Missouri with honors. I am currently employed as a licensed clinical social worker in a non-profit organization that provides long-term, “Modified Therapeutic Community” residential treatment services with individuals who have substance abuse issues, have co-occurring mental disorders, and are homeless. I am approaching 12 years of complete abstinence of all illicit drugs including alcohol, I will be celebrating eight years of marriage next month, we are first time home owner, I have my driving privileges back, and I enjoy nourishing and guiding others in their struggles with addiction. To sum it all up, “Treatment works, trust me, I know, I am not the person I used to be.”
David Helling, LCSW
In 1990, I became addicted to crack cocaine. Living in my childhood neighborhood in south Chicago, I worked at the University of Illinois Hospital as a medical collector and had a good life with a promising future. I lived in that community most of my life attending St. Edmund Elementary, and Hale Franciscan High School. I never aspired to become an addict -- nobody does -- but I did. I saw no way out and it was years before I hit bottom and got help. I spent three years in active addiction, and four years in recovery then relapsed. In 2000, I finally got my life together with self-will and the help of others.
To get clean and stay clean was not enough for me. I had minimal income, legal problems, and no direction. I decided to go back to school because that was where I was headed after graduating from high school. I attended Columbia College in Columbia, MO. After two years and an Associate Degree, I decided to attend the University of Missouri and obtain my Bachelors in Social Work (BSW). I worked on myself mentally, physically, and spiritually every day, and received my BSW. During that time, I created a Narcotics Anonymous meeting that has grown into one of the largest in the Columbia area.
A BSW was again not enough; I applied to graduate school to obtain my Masters in Social Work (MSW). I am proud to say I have graduated with my third (Associates, Bachelors, Masters) degree on May 12, 2006. I am just as proud that I have seven years of sobriety on April 1, 2007. Achieving sobriety is only the beginning. If a recovering addict is not able to achieve self sufficiency then he or she can become depressed and feel useless. As we know, recovering addicts have to build a foundation, or they become vulnerable to active addiction. The sky is the limit. I am helping others. I moved from victim to victorious!
I want MRN viewers to know that “if I can do it others can too.” There is hope and healing in recovery. We have to help each other. When I aid others, I help myself.
Alan
My name is Eleanor Ward. I am in long-term recovery from alcoholism. I have not had a drink of alcohol since May 29, 1989. I was granted a scholarship to a Message and Media Training in Dallas, TX on Dec. 15 and 16, 2006. This seminar was put on by Faces and Voices of Recovery (FAVOR). I have been speaking out about long-term recovery because it has helped me change my life for the better and I want to help make it possible for others to do the same.
I would like to share the story of my recovery and the wonderful things that have happened since I have enjoyed long-term recovery. On May 29, 1989, I parked our car in the kitchen. My husband was mowing the lawn. I cannot imagine the sinking feeling in his stomach when he came around the corner of the trailer with the weed eater in his hand and looked at the car in the kitchen. He came in, took one look at me and called a family intervention. My daughter in law, Kay, called treatment centers and found Laughlin Pavilion in Kirksville that would take me immediately. Four family members drove me up there. The last I remember after signing myself in is Dale, Craig and Don standing by my bed looking down at me. I said: “I will be O.K.” I think they were doubtful but had a glimmer of hope.
I was in detox five days. On the sixth morning, an attendant opened the window shades and said, “Let the sun shine in.” That was the beginning of my new, sober life.
Since that morning, I completed the 28 day treatment. I graduated from Graceland University on May 19, 2002 with a BS in Addiction Studies. Family members attended my graduation. I have recovered from cancer twice using the tools of recovery. They can apply to all challenging situations. I earned my CSAC II Certification that requires 6000 hours of supervised work in the addiction field and an oral and written test that is difficult. I have been on the Regional Advisory Council on Alcohol and Drugs for a number of years and Secretary for the past two years. I have recently been appointed to the State Advisory Council on Alcohol and Drugs for a three year term. I give back to the Cancer Society as a volunteer. This is a small way to thank them for their help. I am a member of the Livingston County Wellness Committee. I have an office in the Calvary Baptist Church, where I have handouts about addiction available when someone asks for information and to talk with people who want additional help beyond treatment. I am active in my church and as an RSVP member. I have reunited with many old friends and have made new friends. I enjoy eating lunch with friends and sharing what we are doing in our lives and our community. LIFE IS GOOD.
Eleanor Ward
My name is Scott Breedlove and I am the new Administrator for the Missouri Substance Abuse Counselors’ Certification Board (MSACCB). I wanted to tell you a little about my history with addiction. I took my first drink of alcohol during my sophomore year in high school. A few weeks later, I smoked my first joint. About a month after this, I ended up at the hospital almost dead from alcohol poisoning, was suspended from high school for a while, and did great damage to my relationship with my parents. For the next 7 years, I walked the perilous path of alcohol and drug addiction. Finally, during my senior year in college, a lady took an interest in me and intervened and probably saved my life. Her name was Myrna and Myrna introduced me to God. I know there are a variety of opinions out there about faith, so please bear with me for just a minute. I understand that addiction works differently for each person and different treatments are effective depending on a person’s situation, but for me, God was the answer.
On a Thursday night in September of 1992, I turned my life over to God and from that night to this day, I have not touched another drink, smoked another joint, or taken any other drug of choice.
After graduating from college with an Accounting Degree, I entered the “exciting” world of numbers. For the next 13 years, I worked in a variety of accounting positions and met some great people. I also went on to become an Ordained Minister and Pastored a Church for 8 years in Cedar Rapids, IA. In May of 2006, my wife and I decided to move back to Missouri where we both are from and settled on Jefferson City. While looking for employment, I saw the MSACCB Administrator position and applied. While interviewing for the position, I thought it sounded like a wonderful opportunity to combine all of my life’s experiences into one job. There would be accounting and administrative pieces to the job but there would also be the opportunity to give back and play a part in making the Professional Field of Substance Abuse the best it can be which in turn, can make a difference in the lives of those living in addiction. So, with great joy and excitement, I was offered and accepted the position as Administrator. Over the last few months, I have met some wonderful people and have been asked several times how I like the job. I can say with no hesitation that I love it!
Scott Breedlove
The word that describes our recovery is, Gratitude. On November 2, 1964, my husband, Don, walked up a steep flight of stairs to an AA Club on Delmar Avenue in St. Louis, and he started us on an incredible journey. This journey would challenge and strengthen us as individuals and a couple.
On that day, Don was given two wonderful sponsors who pursued him like the hounds of heaven. He had turned to AA as the result of an “informal intervention.” His parents refused to lend him any more money. His boss was scrutinizing his work habits. Some close friends quit socializing with us because they couldn’t watch his drinking behavior. My sister and her husband sternly expressed their concern to him regarding his behaviors. And instead of my usual prayer, begging God to make him quit drinking, I prayed for the strength and guidance to do whatever I needed to do to bring sanity into my and our daughters’ lives. This prayer led to my confronting Don with, “I love you, but I can’t live with you.” He would tell me at a later time that my demeanor told him that I meant it and was ready to take steps to divorce.
The week before my declaration, he had heard a Mr. X, a recovering alcoholic, in an interview on KMOX Radio in St. Louis, talking about alcoholism. Mr. X said that you could be young, be employed, have a family, only drink beer, and be an alcoholic. Because of that interview he was inspired to seek out Alcoholics Anonymous. Of course, he did not go to AA with the intention of staying sober any longer than it would take to get back in the house, but what he heard and saw there was like seeing the future. He heard the stories of men who had lost everything, and at one time they had been just where he was.
Our journey was not a straight smooth path but the light of understanding gave us hope. Hope that we could change as long as we were open to learning how to improve ourselves and our lives as individuals, partners, and parents. The Twelve Steps facilitated the process of growth in very practical ways. His sobriety gave us freedom and responsibility. The freedom we needed to grow individually and as a couple. We could take advantage of others’ knowledge and experience. We made mistakes but we had the faith and commitment that we would weather the storms. We wanted to make our marriage and family work. We sought out ways to learn how to live better lives. We also learned that we were responsible to pass it on.
I am very grateful for all the guidance and support we received from many people in our families, AA, Al-Anon, in our church and community. I am grateful that my husband discovered that his special talents and experience were useful to serve others. I am grateful that we were able to stay together for our daughters and a son who was born during the sober years. I am grateful that he challenged me to step out into life. I am grateful for the many wonderful memories, the passion, fun and friendship that we had in our 45 years of married life. I am grateful for the marriage enrichment work that we did together.
My husband was so very proud of his sobriety. He was 26 days short of celebrating 41 years of sobriety when he died on October 7, 2005. Since all of us gathered around his bed knew he would stay sober, his sponsor, Willie D, pressed the coin into his hand. I believe that God has created each of us for a certain mission. Don discovered his through sobriety and Alcoholics Anonymous. His sobriety brought great rewards for him, for me, our family, and many others in our community. He left a wonderful legacy by serving others. I am grateful.
Nancy Howard
Most alcoholics experience difficulty in facing the fact they are addicted and that their addiction is destroying them. I am no exception. Throughout my late teens and twenties, I drank alcohol, predominantly beer. At the beginning, it was about fun and conviviality. Gradually, over a period of years the role alcohol played in my life, changed. Gradually, it went from fun and enhanced social interaction to despair and isolation. It happened so slowly that I found it difficult to acknowledge what was really happening in my life; that I was alcoholic and that alcoholism was ruining my life and robbing me of everything I valued. There came that moment of reckoning when I could no longer deny that I was in real trouble. In the wake of fun and conviviality had come loss. Loss of an important relationship in my life, loss of the motivation and ambition to sustain what had once been a promising career, loss of respect by others and ultimately, loss of self-respect. When I could no longer hide from the fact that my drinking was the common denominator in all these losses, I sought help. By virtue of going through treatment and participating in self-help, my life gradually (there’s that word again) began to resemble how it had been when I was young; when happiness and peace of mind were normal for me. I’m grateful to say that’s how it’s been ever since. On 9/11/06 I celebrated twenty-six years of sobriety. Today, I find it almost hard to remember and even difficult to believe that things were as they once were for me, but I never want to forget what happened. I believe the expression “those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it” is particularly true for alcoholics. I am so grateful that treatment was available when I needed it and I am grateful for the many folks that I learned from who preceded me in recovery. Everything I have or enjoy in life today whether it be family, health, career or just good, old happiness, is ALL due to sobriety, of that there is no doubt. I am more grateful than I could ever adequately express. I have been involved with the Missouri Recovery Network since its beginning. I want to do what I can to destroy the stigma surrounding addiction disease and help others experience the joy of recovery.
Dan Duncan, St. Louis
Drug addiction took over my life. By the time I was 21 years old, I was shooting up $300-$400 a day of heroin, along with using cocaine and marijuana on a regular basis. I decided to call my mom and let her know, fully, my condition as a drug addict. That’s when we found a rehabilitation program and I finally admitted that I needed help. I quickly began to realize that there was a great possibility I would be able to live my life without drugs. I graduated in 2001 and have been completely clean and sober since then. Now, I am happily married with a son. I work with a rehabilitation program to help others establish a solid future in recovery.
Chris
I stared to drink at age 18 to fit in with my friends. I thought it was drinking that gave me a personality and I never thought I had anything to offer without it. Eventually I realized I was being laughed at by my “friends”, so I began to drink alone. You stop growing when you enter addiction. I was stuck at age 18 and never learned how to live in a grown-up world. I just did what I did best-drank and hid from life. At age 45, something in me snapped and I decided I wanted to start living. I entered a treatment program and found a counselor who helped me learn how to love and respect myself. If I knew life could be this good and this real after three short years in recovery, I would have done this long ago! Recovery had taught me how to live again.
Maureen
I truly found life when I finally realized that rehabilitation was the only answer out of my addiction. Before cocaine took over my life, I was very successful and happily married with two precious children. Then, I lost everything! I hated myself. I graduated from a rehabilitation program in 2001 and I felt my life was back together. I was happy again, but there was still something missing. After searching for that missing component in my life, I began to work at a rehabilitation program to help save peoples’ lives and give back to society.
Mark
I am the daughter, sister, niece, wife, cousin, etc. of alcoholics. When I was in high school, I didn't realize there was a problem with alcohol. Everyone in the family drank or got high. I never dreamed of dating a boy who didn't drink . . . they'd have to be boring or expect me to be something I couldn't be, act a way I didn't know how to act. I drank all through high school and smoked pot. We all did it; it couldn't be that bad, could it?
I married soon after high school, to get out of the house. My young husband was a child of an alcoholic and well on his way to becoming just like his dad. We divorced shortly after a year. He'd become abusive. By the grace of God, I was able to get out before we had children!
Before I was twenty-one, I married again. I met this wonderful man and he was sweet and kind, but he drank too. Like I said, drinking was a part of my life so it was no big deal. As time went on, I quit drinking and drugging. We had children and I didn't want them growing up doing the things we'd done. I quit, he didn't. (His father and brother were also alcoholics.)
As time progressed, I became more and more like the women of the family: angry, controlling and unhappy. Still I didn't know alcohol was affecting anyone, surely not me. Life progressively got worse. My husband was a "functional drunk", went to work every day, only drank at home and never abused any of us. What could possibly be wrong with me? I became more and more depressed, wanted to kill myself, couldn't deal with the kids . . . they were falling apart before my eyes too.
One day, I came home from work and my husband was wasted. He was drinking in front of his brother-in-law who was in recovery. I WAS ANGRY! How dare he drink in front of an alcoholic! I again dumped his beer, he again bought more. We "had it out", actually, I said everything, and he just went to bed! This was our "bottom".
My husband went to his first AA meeting to make me happy. To shut me up, actually! He came home with a number of a woman who wanted me to call her. I was upset. I didn't have a problem, he did! I told her so. She let me vent, then she invited me to a meeting--An Al Anon meeting. There, I learned he wasn't the only one with a problem, I was actually sicker than he!
Thanks be to God, our whole family started recovery at the same time. He is in AA, I am in Al-Anon, and the kids are in Al-Ateen. This is what saved our marriage. Had he started recovery and not me, I would have continued to be angry and depressed and not have known I had a problem also.
Yes, alcoholism affects the whole family! It can be generational and it doesn't only breed more alcoholics, it breeds dysfunction. Recovery for the entire family is essential, even if the alcoholic never stops drinking.
I thank God for that woman on the other end of the phone who listened to me rant and she calmly let me know I wasn't alone!
I now know that there is no shame in alcoholism and THERE IS NO SHAME IN RECOVERY! We need to speak out and let people know that anyone can be affected by this disease. At first, I was afraid that someone I knew may see me at a meeting, I am a nurse! What if a patient saw me there? As time went on, I would actually tell my patients about the programs that were available. It isn't that hard to spot a person who needs help, especially when you are one of them!
God can deliver us from drugs and alcohol, but we need to recover from the damage it can do to ourselves and to others. (The alcoholic and the family).
Gayla G.
I have been six years clean now. I figure that I just started living the day I found my new life and what excitement it beholds as each day is a new beginning for not only me-but my family. I, like most folk's, assumed my addiction was “my” business and that I wasn’t hurting anyone else. How wrong we can be with our 'stinking thinking'. I was affecting everyone around me, my family, their lives, relationships, job performance and the basic needs that bond a family together. Denial kept me addicted. I began to see my daughter and son become the exact duplication of their father, an alcoholic and meth addict. Then the downward spiral began as they also grew to become the people I deep down detested, I didn't see myself "as addicted" like all those other dopers and drunks. Only In my spiritual awakening and treatment did I become aware of the damage that I had created in the very lives I cherished the most, my own children! But for the grace of God and through his mercy I have become that person that I was created to be. Now, I have a purpose, a new direction and a goal in life-to give back what was freely given to me. It’s a gift. Deliverance from addiction while trying to recover the brokenness and mend it through my own recovery. Healing is possible....Give Peace a Chance!
Austin Montague
I had my first drink at 13 years old. My drinking days took to California, Texas and to my home State of Colorado. All I did was think about and work for my next drink. I burnt many bridges to the people that cared and loved me the most. Seven years ago, I had been riding the fence with my drinking and in the past I did not want to admit to having a problem. Then, on April 18, 2006, I was arrested for a DUI in front of my home. Until then I thought I was only hurting myself, until I watched my daughter cry when the police arrested me. Later that afternoon, my dear friend came to bail me out of jail, took me to church, and that night GOD gave me a REAL SPRITIAL awakening.
I still had to go through the times when the court dates where coming. Each time the court date would come up GOD made it to where they got dismissed. By the grace of God, my driving rights were restored to me. There were many times I told my family that I would quit drinking, but it took something big for that to happen. Now that has come to pass, God has inspired me to help and share his word and what God has done in my life. Every chance I get, I tell people about my story. In the mornings I pray to God to send me somebody to get me through the day and sure enough he always does. I attend Power to Choose at church and 24/7. But now, I don't go for myself, I go for the next person who may come through the doors looking for support. God has given me a real TEST-IMONY, I had to go through that test to get that testimony. Once again I give GOD all the glory to my recovery, with hard work and determination.
Bob Handschumacher
Crossroads has helped me in many ways with my recovery. They have given me the tools to work with on a day to day basis. A place to come for help when needed. It is vital to my recovery and sanity.
Tom H
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